With our second child, we learned something the hard way. We spent a long weekend potty training at home, sent our toddler to daycare on Monday in underwear, and found out at pickup that their room had a "pull-ups only until age three" rule. We'd never asked.

Every daycare handles potty training a little differently. A quick conversation before you start saves a lot of confusion. Here are the 10 questions we now ask every time.

Toddlers learn best when things stay the same. If home uses underwear and the word "potty," but daycare uses pull-ups and the word "bathroom," your child gets mixed messages. A few minutes with the teacher helps everyone pull in the same direction.

Some centers have a minimum age, or only start training in a certain room. Others follow the parent's lead. Ask before you pick your start date.

Some daycares want pull-ups for a while. Others are fine with underwear from day one. Knowing this helps you plan what to pack.

Many rooms have set potty times, like after snack, before outside play and before nap. Ask for the schedule so you can mirror it at home on weekends.

"Potty," "bathroom," "pee," "tinkle." It sounds small, but using the same words helps a lot. Agree on one set.

You're hoping to hear "calmly, with a quick change and no fuss." Ask where wet clothes go and whether they'll tell you about accidents at pickup.

Many daycares have small toilets or step stools. If they use the big toilet, a seat insert at home might help your child feel at ease in both places.

Some classrooms use stickers or stamps. If they do, you can match it at home. If they don't, you can still keep your chart going at home.

Most daycares use pull-ups or diapers at nap for a while. Ask what they prefer and when they'll switch.

We were told "two sets," and needed four in week one. Ask what they'd like, and then pack a little extra at first.

A daily sheet, an app message or a quick chat at pickup? Ask what they'll tell you each day: potty trips, successes, accidents. That info is gold during the first couple of weeks.

Here's what we sent in the first few weeks:

• 4 or 5 pairs of underwear in a labeled bag.
• 2 or 3 full changes of clothes, including socks.
• A wet bag for dirty clothes.
• Pull-ups for nap if they ask for them.
• Easy pants, no buttons, belts or tricky snaps.

Label everything. Kids' clothes all look the same in a pile. We wrote our child's initials inside the waistband of every pair of underwear with a laundry marker, and it saved a lot of lost-and-found trips. A few minutes of prep on Sunday night made the whole week easier.

Starting at home over a long weekend gave our kids a few days to learn before going back. Then daycare kept the routine going during the week. If possible, avoid starting the week of a big change, like a new classroom or a new teacher.

• Share what's working at home, like cues your child gives.
• Ask the teacher what they notice. They may spot patterns you miss.
• Thank them. Potty training a room of toddlers is a lot of work.

If daycare says your child isn't ready yet, ask what they're seeing. Sometimes it's a fair point. Sometimes it's a room rule. Either way, you'll know where you stand.

If you can't agree on everything, focus on the big three: the same words, a calm accident plan and regular potty times. Those matter more than whether it's a pull-up or underwear on a Tuesday.

The conversation goes both ways. Be ready to share:

• What cues your child gives, like wiggling or going quiet.
• How often they usually go at home.
• Words for pee and poop your child knows.
• Anything that scares them, like loud flushes or automatic toilets.
• What calms them down if they get upset.

Teachers told us this list made the first week much easier. A quick note in your child's cubby with these answers can help a substitute teacher too.

The time we asked these questions first, potty training went much smoother. Our child heard the same words, followed the same routine and got the same calm response to accidents at home and at school.

If you're planning to start soon, The Prep-First Potty Plan has a daycare handoff sheet you can fill out and give to your child's teacher.