Pee was going great. Then our toddler figured out they could just... not poop. They'd stand in a corner, cross their legs and hold it. Sometimes for a day or more. Dinner got tense. Bedtime got tense. We got tense.

If you're in the middle of a poop standoff, you're not alone. It's one of the most common bumps in potty training. Here's what helped us take the pressure off and get things moving again.

First, a quick note: holding in poop can lead to constipation, and that's something to talk to your pediatrician about. Everything below is about the routine and the mood at home, not medical treatment.

Kids withhold for lots of reasons. A few we saw:

• Fear. Sitting over the big toilet feels like falling in. The flush is loud.
• A past hard or uncomfortable poop. Now they're scared it'll happen again.
• Control. Pooping is one thing a toddler can 100% decide.
• Too busy. Stopping play to go feels like a waste of time.
• New place or new routine, like daycare, travel or a new sibling.

Usually it's a mix. The good news: most of these respond to less pressure, not more.

• Standing stiff, crossing legs or rocking on tiptoes.
• Hiding in a corner or behind furniture.
• Going longer than usual between poops.
• Asking for a diaper just to poop.
• Small streaks in underwear.

If you see these along with tummy pain, very hard poops, blood or your child seems unwell, call your pediatrician.

This was the biggest change for us. The more we asked, the tighter our toddler held on.

• Stop asking "Do you need to poop?" all day.
• Keep your face neutral about poop. No sighs, no big talks.
• Don't punish or shame accidents. Clean up calmly and move on.
• Praise trying, not just results. "You sat and relaxed. That's great."

It feels backward, but stepping back is often what lets them relax.

Most toddlers have a natural time of day they tend to poop. For a lot of kids, it's 15 to 30 minutes after a meal.

• Offer a calm sit after breakfast or dinner. Five minutes, no more.
• Feet flat on a stool. Knees a little higher than hips helps them feel steady.
• Use a potty seat insert on the big toilet so they don't feel like they'll slip.
• Bring a book or bubbles. Blowing bubbles can help them relax their body.
• Let them flush later or after they leave the room if the noise scares them.

This one surprised us. When our toddler kept asking for a diaper to poop, we said yes, with a plan:

1. Let them poop in a diaper, but only in the bathroom.
2. After a few days, have them sit on the potty with the diaper on.
3. Then loosen the diaper, or cut a small hole in it, over the potty.
4. Finally, skip the diaper.

It took us about two weeks. It was a lot less stressful than a daily standoff.

Lots of families find that plenty of water and everyday foods like fruit, veggies and whole grains help. Every child is different, though. Ask your pediatrician what makes sense for your kid before changing their diet or trying anything like a stool softener.

• Give a heads-up before a natural poop time: "After breakfast, it's potty time, then we play."
• Use a timer so they know they can go back to play soon.
• Keep a "potty only" toy that comes out only during sits.

If poop is turning into a daily battle, it's okay to go back a step. Some families put the poop part on pause while keeping pee in the potty. A break of a week or two can reset the mood.

Don't wait it out if you notice:

• Poops are hard, painful or very large.
• Your child hasn't pooped in several days.
• Blood in the poop or underwear.
• Tummy pain, vomiting or your child seems sick.

Your pediatrician has seen this many times. It's a normal call to make.

A few small things made poop time feel safe again in our house:

• A "poop story" book we only read on the potty.
• Sitting with them and chatting about their day so the potty wasn't scary.
• Letting them pick a sticker before sitting, not just after. It took the pressure off results.
• Telling them their body knows what to do. "Your poop wants to come out. You can let it."

Some days nothing happened, and that was okay. We said "Good sitting," put the sticker on the chart and went back to playing.

Our poop standoff felt endless while we were in it. Looking back, it was a few rough weeks. Calm routines, less pressure and help from our pediatrician got us through.

If you want to plan ahead for the next kid, The Prep-First Potty Plan includes a prep week and a calm accident plan that make setbacks easier to handle.